iLet Go
by Laugh Like You Aren't Breaking
Summary: Sometimes it's time to just let go. Even if it's the hardest thing ever. Sam's got terminal cancer, and if she's going to die, she's going to do it right. So they go back to Seattle for her last days. Future fic, rated T for character death and themes.
1. Chapter 1

_(A/N: So I updated iPulled a Disappearing Act on Wednesday, and I decided that since that was only 4 days ago, this weekend I would post the first chapter of this idea that I got while listening to Jimmy Eat World's "Hear You Me" for the millionth time because I read the most amazing songfic by Purple xx by the same name. Which you should really read, by the way. It's so sad, but really really good! Anyways, here's my story. It's probably going to be ten chapters or so, but I really don't know yet! So I guess I'm just gonna play it by ear and stuff... But read and tell me what you think!)_

_Disclaimer: iCarly is owned by a man named Dan Schneider. Last time I checked, I'm a teenage girl whose name is most definitely not Dan Schneider. So do I own iCarly? Pretty sure I don't..._

She'd always hated goodbyes. Goodbyes were a sign of finality, a sign that she was giving up. And Sam hated giving up. That's why Freddie broke down when the doctor told him. Because Sam never gave up. That wasn't his Sam, the one he fell in love with.

"Sammy?" he called, knocking on the open hospital door as he walked in. He almost cried again, seeing her like that. Her beautiful tanned skin was so pale; her gorgeous blonde curls gone, leaving in place a pale shiny skull. But what killed him most was the look in her eyes. It was as if she was fighting an internal battle in those unforgettable blue oceans that Freddie often found himself getting lost in, and she was losing. Then he remembered that she was.

"What's up, Fredwad?" she replied, trying to sit up in bed as he walked over. A look crossed her face. "Oh, God, Freddie, you've been crying again. It's okay, I'm going to be fine. The treatment's going to work," she told him, placing a frail hand on his cheek. That was his Sam, always trying to be strong for him. She tried not to let others get hurt, especially if she thought it was her fault.

Freddie shook his head. "Sam," he cut in. She kept rambling on as the tears filled his eyes again. "Sam!"

He watched as Sam looked at him, realizing for the first time. Her eyes grew wide for a moment, and then the clear blue became hazy as tears filled her eyes as well. She struggled to turn away from him. He knew how much she hated people, especially him, to see her cry, but he grabbed her chin, forcing her to look at him.

"How long?" she whispered, breaking down in his arms. He hesitated. "Freddie, how long?"

"They don't know," he told her as he held her there for a moment. He began to cry as he began to grasp that he didn't know how many more times like this there would be.

"Not long, though," she finished for him, reading his mind, like always. She smirked, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "And I'm right, as Mama always is." Jesus, he was going to miss that smirk.

He nodded. "I love you so much, Sam," he said. "Never forget that."

"I won't," she replied, a faraway look there in her eyes before she snapped back to reality. "But there's really no need to be such a sap, Frednerd."

The nicknames. He was going to miss those, too, so much. So, so much. He was going to miss **her**, so, so much.

"Don't give up on me, okay?" he asked, grabbing her hand. She shook her head, smiling a bit, the smile he loved so much. "Never give up."

"Can we go back home?" she asked. "If nothing's going to help me, can we just go home?"

He nodded, knowing that she didn't mean their apartment there in Los Angeles. LA was where Freddie directed a TV show; and Sam used to own a restaurant, before she got sick. She meant Seattle, where everything had started. Where they'd fallen in love, where he'd proposed, where they'd gotten married in a small ceremony in the iCarly studio, where their now two year-old daughter Lucy had been born (Sam had declared when she was seven months pregnant that they were living with Carly until she had that baby, because it had to be born in Seattle, even though Freddie and Sam had been living in LA for five years then). Just like Sam and Freddie had wanted. Everything had been perfect.

Carly still lived there, in Spencer's old apartment. They could go visit, maybe even do one last iCarly bit, although it'd been ye8ars since they had done iCarly. Carly had been taking care of Lucy ever since Sam's cancer had gotten really bad two months ago, and Sam would certainly want to spend her last days with her daughter. Freddie didn't know how, but his wife transformed into a different creature around their daughter, so caring and motherly. It made him want another kid. But that wasn't possible anymore. Freddie could already feel a plan for their time in Seattle formulating. Los Angeles had never been as much of a home to them as Seattle. Sometimes, he wondered why they'd ever moved there. But that didn't matter anymore. Only Sam did.

"Sam Benson?" A doctor asked, walking in as she glanced at Sam's file. Freddie smiled, thinking of how happy it made him hearing that name, even after ten years of marriage.

"I want to go home." Sam cut in, before the doctor or Freddie could say anything. The doctor looked at her, bewildered. Freddie smiled.

"Mrs. Benson," he began.

"Call me Sam," Sam interrupted. "Mrs. Benson is my crazy mother-in-law."

"She's not crazy!" Freddie protested. "Just a bit protective."

"A bit?" Sam scoffed. "Yeah, and I'm gonna live a long life and then go off into the sunset, hand-in-hand with Jesus."

Freddie flinched at that one, and Sam recoiled, realizing that she'd gone too far.

"Just tell us what you know," Freddie finally said quietly, taking his wife's hand.

"It's terminal," the doctor said. "At this point, it's spread to Sam's liver and kidneys, which are quickly losing function. I'm so sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Benson."

"How long?" Sam whispered, looking over at Freddie as she clutched his hand.

The doctor sighed. "Well, that's really something we don't know right now," she told them. "It could be, in the best case scenario, up to a year or so."

"A year?" Freddie asked hopefully, smiling at Sam.

"Or," she continued. "It could be less than a week."

Sam then did something that broke Freddie's heart, something very un-Samlike. She turned into his chest with a squeak, trying to hide her tears.

"If you want to go home, it's probably not going to hurt her to do so. I'd even say it could help by putting her in a better mood."

"I just have one question," Freddie murmured. "Do you think that it would be bad if Sam was pregnant, in the best case scenario if she had the time?"

The doctor shook her head. "That would make her body weak. That's a very bad idea, considering that it would most likely shorten her time. I'm sorry, but the best case scenario is if treatment helps at all. There's not much of a chance that it'll be more than six months, and if she dies when pregnant, it's going to be that much harder." With that, she left Freddie and Sam alone in the hospital room. To Freddie, it was beginning to look more like a morgue.

"Pregnant?" Sam asked him, amused.

He blushed. "We always wanted a big family, Sam," he reminded her.

"I know," she whispered, tears continuing to fall freely from her cheeks. Sam had never been one to cry, and Freddie didn't know how he was going to take this last time with Sam if she wasn't really Sam. "And now I'm ruining that."

"No no no," Freddie said, pulling her closer. "Never for a moment think that this is your fault, Sam. I love you, you know that! I just didn't know, if maybe…"

"It would give me more time," Sam finished for him. "I don't think there's anything that can give me more time, now. It's done. Over."

"No," Freddie replied. "It's not over. If you're going to die, then I'm going to make sure that you do it right, the Sam Puckett-"

"Benson," she corrected.

"-Sam Benson way," he said. "The Sam I know would never go down without a fight."

Sam smiled weakly. "Okay," she responded, throwing the covers off her thin body. "Then let's go. Take me home, Fredifer. Besides, I miss my little Lucy."

"There's my Sammy," Freddie said, kissing her as he helped her stand up. "Let's go."

_(A/N: So, what'd you think? Too much sap? Really out of character [It is a future fic though, so I figured that they must've matured a little, and grief does affect people]? Should I even continue this story? I don't have much experience with terminal cancer, thank goodness, so I did my best but I'm guessing that the doctor's delivery of the news to Sam and Freddie might not be as accurate as it could be. Sorry about that... So review and tell me what you think! :])_


	2. Chapter 2

_(A/N: Hi again! :] So I'm sorry it's taking me so long to get the iPulled a Disappearing Act chapter up, I'm trying to be good about posting things on time but school is officially over as of 6:30 PM today, so it'll be better now. The end of school was crazier than I expected... OH! And has everyone seen the iLost My Mind promo? EEEP! I think I might just lose my mind! Sorry, cheesy joke... And iParty tonight? **Amazing!** So much Seddie! My friend and I were chatting the whole time and she kept yelling at me for over-analyzing the Seddieness... It kind of disappointed me though that they didn't give Jennette, Ariana, and Liz more leading parts in the theme song mashup. They're all amazing singers, and I just feel like it was more so Miranda and Victoria than the entire casts for a lot of it... Anybody else think that? Oh well, loved the episode anyways! Sooo go ahead and read! Yay!)_

_Disclaimer: Fine, I don't own iCarly O.o _

Freddie called Carly once they got home. He wasn't quite sure how Sam would react to him lying to their best friend, so he waited until Sam got up to use the bathroom.

"Hello?" Carly answered, anxiously. "Freddie? Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, Carls," Freddie replied. "How's my Lucy?"

"Terrorizing my living room," Carly answered. Covering the mouthpiece, she called to his daughter, "Lucy, no, that's a remote, not a pacifier!" She turned her attention back to the phone. "God, it sure is hard taking care of a two-year old! So, if everything's okay, why are you calling me?"

"What, I can't just call my best friend to say hello, especially the one taking care of my daughter?" Freddie asked.

Carly laughed. "Not at 2 in the afternoon, no. You call me every night at 7 to talk to Lucy before she goes to bed. So spill, what's up?"

"I want to come to visit Luce," Freddie admitted. "I miss her."

"But what about Sam? Is she doing better? Is it really a good idea to leave Sam all alone?" Carly shot back.

"Sam will be fine," Freddie told her, the lie rolling effortlessly off his tongue. Being around Sam all the time had really improved his lying skills. Besides, it wasn't that easy to tell someone that their best friend had terminal cancer over the phone. Carly knew things were bad, but Freddie didn't think that she knew just how bad things had gotten. He couldn't tell her like this. "She's out of the hospital," he said. That wasn't a lie, technically, but Carly didn't know why.

"Oh, that's wonderful Freddie! She's getting better, then?" Carly asked.

"She's out of the hospital," he repeated, not wanting to answer her question with another lie. Carly took that as an "Isn't that obvious?", though.

"That's great, Freddie! So when do you want to come?" Carly replied.

"How about this weekend?" Freddie asked. "I want to come as soon as possible."

"The next flight I'm looking at from LAX to SEA is tonight at 6," Carly informed him. "Want me to book you a ticket?"

"No, no, that's fine, Carls. I can buy my own ticket. I'll see you then, okay?"

"Okay, fine. Bye, Freddie."

"Bye."

He wondered if Carly had caught his lies, and was trying to be strong for him. But then again, Carly had never been much of a liar and as a result didn't have that knack for telling when another person was lying.

"Did you talk to Carly?" Sam asked, sitting back down on the couch as Freddie pulled her closer.

"Yeah."

"She knows we're coming?"

"She knows I'm coming…" Freddie said. Come to think of it, it probably wasn't such a great idea to lie to Sam.

"What's that mean, Fredward?" Sam asked, pulling back to look at him.

He smiled guiltily. "How do you think Carly would react to the idea that you were coming with me?"

Sam thought for a moment. "Badly…" she admitted. "But we could've told her…"

"You know we can't tell her over the phone," Freddie protested. "Sam, if she began to freak out, which you know she would, it would scare Lucy. And do you know how hard she'd take it? She needs us to tell her in person."

"Okay," Sam said. "So when do we leave?"

"In four hours," Freddie replied. "We should really get packing."

Sam began to stand up shakily, grabbing the couch as she tried to make it into their room. Freddie looked at her.

"You know that I mean that I should really start packing, Sam," he said drily. "I'm not letting you pack. No way."

Sam huffed. "Fine, Fredweird. But I'm not staying out here and being lonely and useless on the couch. I'd much rather be useless in the bedroom," she told him, raising her eyebrows seductively.

"Four hours, Sam," he reminded her. She glared.

"Fine."

Seven hours later, they stood in the terminal at SEA. Sam was close to passing out, and Freddie knew it.

"Sam?" he asked. "Do you want to lie down?"

"No," she said stubbornly. "I'm fine. Besides, there are no seats."

"I can change that, Sam," he reminded her. "Those people sitting down are perfectly capable of standing up for a bit to let someone with cancer lie down."

Sam sighed, fighting to keep herself up. She was defeated. "Okay, Freduccini."

Freddie smiled at that nickname, and all the memories associated with it. He couldn't believe that he had actually thought that Melanie was Sam back then... He left Sam for a moment, walking over to a bench where a young couple was sitting, blissfully unaware of the world as they argued lovingly. He remembered the days when he and Sam were like that. His eyes almost filled with tears again wistfully. There'd never again be a day where they wouldn't have to savor every moment, because they wouldn't know how much time they had left.

He was so absorbed in his thoughts that he didn't notice that the couple noticed him, stopping as they took in the man who was close to tears standing in front of their bench.

"Sir?" the man asked. "Are you alright?"

Freddie shook himself back to reality. "I'm fine…" he replied. "I just, my wife has cancer, and she's pretty much exhausted. I was wondering if you would mind letting her lie down for a little bit?"

The couple shot up, obviously thinking of how hard it would be if one of them got cancer as they glanced at each other. "Of course not! Oh my god, I'm so sorry! Is there anything we could help you get for her?" the woman asked.

Freddie shook his head. "No, I think she just needs to lie down and rest for a bit. She's terrified of flying, and was freaking out the entire two and a half hours from LAX to here. But Seattle's home for us, and she wanted to spend her last few days not surrounded by whitewash walls and needles."

"Last days?" the man asked. Then he realized. "Oh my god! I'm so sorry! It's terminal?"

"Yeah," Freddie replied. He turned around to go get Sam just in time to watch her collapse on the ground. "Dammit!" he screamed, bolting over to her. "Sam?" he asked. "Sam, come on! No!"

Sam's blue eyes opened as she struggled to stand up. "I'll be fine, Freddie," she told him. He picked her up in his arms, carrying her tiny figure over to the bench as the whole airport watched. "Shh…" she told him, gathering him in her arms like she'd done for Lucy whenever she cried. He broke down in sobs and she held him. "Everything's fine. It'll be okay…"

"No it won't!" Freddie said. "It won't be fine, Sam! The doctor said so! How do I know whether or not it's the end when you collapse like that? How am I supposed to handle knowing that someday I'm going to wake up and you won't? That Lucy's going to ask me someday, with those goddamn beautiful blue eyes that I could never resist, about her mother and I won't know what to say, and I'll probably just crumple down in tears except I won't have you there to comfort me? How the hell am I supposed to just stand by and do nothing when you die, Sam? I'm useless!"

"You're not useless, Freddie," Sam told him quietly.

"Then why can't I fix this? If there's one thing in life that I should be able to fix, it should be this!" he screamed.

"You can't be the strong guy all the time, Freddie. Sometimes you just have to step back and let things go. Let me go."

"I can't. I can't just stand by and watch you go like that," he whispered.

"I don't think it's optional. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger."

"It's going to kill me."

"I'm pretty sure that I'm the one with terminal cancer, Fredward."

"And what's that they always say about soul mates? You're my other half. I don't know how I can be half-alive, Sam," he said drily.

"You'll learn. You'll get that half back," she told him. "I love you, and don't get be sounding like a sap, but I believe in you. You're going to be fine, Freddie. Things will turn out okay. Time goes on. I'm just a little raindrop in the ocean, and just because I got sucked up by the sun means that you have to, too. Time will go by without me, don't let it pass you by, too. You never know how much time you have left."

"Yeah…" he agreed. Noticing Sam's drooping eyelids, he said, "Get some rest, Sammy. You need it."

With that, he got up from the bench, laying Sam down and covering her with his jacket. She managed a weak smile as he kissed her forehead gently. "I'm going to go find you some meat. I'll be back soon, okay?"

Sam nodded, already dozing off. Freddie grabbed his backpack and headed towards the coffee shop across from the bench. After grabbing a ham sandwich for his wife, he headed back to the bench to find a woman with dark hair with a little blonde toddler on her hip standing over Sam. Hearing footsteps, the woman turned around.

"You want to explain this, Freddie?"

_(A/N: BUSTED! Hehe... So I wasn't too happy with how Sam became all sappy at the end, but I had to put it in there somewhere. I felt that Freddie had to have a moment where he was just freaking out because he thought that he was useless, didn't know how he was going to go on without her, etc. Anyways, review and tell me what you thought :] Also, if you have time, I wrote a little one-shot called "iAm Not Always Strong" and it would mean the world to me if you could take a couple minutes to read it and review. It's my first one-shot, and I tend to be bad at short stories, but I'm actually pretty happy with how it turned out. But if you could read it and stuff, that'd be amazing and I'd love you forever! Thanks!)_


	3. Chapter 3

_(A/N: So I know I haven't updated iPulled a Disappearing Act in Forever, I'm so sorry! Normally I write the next chapter before I post the current one so that I can keep up with it, but I've just been trying to make them be more in-character and stuff. Anyways, here's the next chapter of iLet Go! Hope you like!)_

_Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly. Meh. I did have this dream where I did, though! It was awesome! Until that squirrel started chasing me…_

"What the hell is Sam doing here?" Carly shrieked. "She may be better, but that doesn't mean she can handle this!"

"Mama!" Lucy said happily, reaching towards Sam. Having woken up, Sam smiled, grabbing her daughter.

"Hi Lucy!" she told the happy toddler, who gurgled in reply. "How's my little girl?"

"Freddie…" Carly warned.

"She wanted to come home," Freddie informed her. That was partially the truth…

"Fine." Carly said, turning to her best friend. She put a smile on her face, but Carly could tell that Sam was not better. She was worse, if anything. "Hi Sam! Are you feeling better?"

"A little," Sam said with a glance in Freddie's direction. "I'm out of the hospital, at least."

Carly caught the glance though. "What aren't you guys telling me?" she asked angrily. "First Sam shows up when I was only expecting Freddie, next you guys are exchanging glances! No secrets, remember?"

_Yeah, but that rule goes out of play when it's going to upset our daughter_. Sam and Freddie looked at each other, and she held Lucy closer, knowing that they were thinking the exact same thing. This was not going to be an easy thing to tell Carly.

"Look, Carls, let's just get back to your house and go to sleep." Sam yawned. "We'll explain everything tomorrow."

Freddie nodded. "Hey, doesn't Lucy have a playdate with her Uncle Spencer and Cousin Ella tomorrow?" he asked with a slight smile. Things were working out perfectly, for a change. They needed a little bit of good luck after everything.

"Yeah," Carly replied.

"We'll tell you then."

"Meh. Fine, but I swear you better have a good reason for dragging my sick best friend out here when she should be resting at home, Freddie!"

"Yeah yeah yeah. I do."

After dropping Lucy off at Spencer's that morning, Carly returned with a determined expression on her face. It reminded Freddie of the time that Sam accidentally told her that the two of them had kissed when she was all hopped up on wacky gas. Simpler days, when all there was to tell was that they'd kissed to get it over with. Except it hadn't been to get it over with. Everyone knew that now.

He smiled, thinking of the time that Carly had confronted them about that.

_It was a Tuesday morning, and Carly was sitting in the chair in her living room drinking Wahoo punch while Freddie had his arm around Sam on the couch. They were watching a Shelby Marx fight, and Sam and Freddie had been dating for about seven months. _

_Carly smiled, getting an odd look on her face. "Hey, Sam, Freddie, remember your first kiss?" she asked._

_They glanced at each other. "Well, duh, Shay," Sam replied. Then Freddie noticed the look on Carly's face. _

"_Sam?" he whispered, nudging her. He watched as Sam realized. "Wanna make a run for it?" he asked with a smile. _

_Sam grinned. "Ready, Set," she said quietly. "Go!" she screamed. Carly's eyes widened as she ran for the door, blocking it before the couple could get out. Sam paused, still grasping Freddie's hand. _

"_Fine, Carlotta, what do you want?" Freddie asked with a sigh._

_She smiled deviously. "You two never answered my question, remember?"_

"_What question?" Sam asked suspiciously. _

"_Did you like it?" Carly replied with an innocent smirk. Even though they'd last heard that question three years before, they both knew exactly what their best friend meant. _

_Sam had blushed bright red, turning away into Freddie's shoulder to try to hide it. Through his own blush, he'd beamed. _

_Laughing, he'd told Carly, "Wow… Sam Puckett, blushing? Didn't think I had that kind of effect on her…"_

"_Shut up, Fredly," Sam mumbled into his shoulder, punching it. He grimaced through the smirk, but he was used to it by then. Despite the fact that they'd been dating for over half a year then, she'd still hurt him every once in a while to prove that she hadn't become a complete sap. _

"_Oh, you think this is good?" Carly asked deviously, with a touch of innuendo. "You should hear the stuff she tells me at sleepovers!"_

_Sam had turned crimson as she lunged at Carly. "Carly! You swore you'd never-," she sputtered. _

_Freddie smiled, kissing her. "Heh. Little Sammy forgot the promise we made after that whole kiss incident!" he shrieked, tickling Sam. Turning to Carly, he smiled. "So, what exactly does she tell you, Carls?"_

"_I-I have to go, before my best friend mauls me for telling her boyfriend what she says about him," Carly stuttered, backing up the stairs. _

_Spencer had smiled from the kitchen as Freddie proceeded to tickle Sam, trying to get it out of her. "Ah. Young love." He'd said loudly. "Now go take this party somewhere where I'm not gonna be emotionally scarred because of it!" He added hastily as Freddie began a different approach that involved a pretty steamy kiss. _

_And so they'd gone to their fire escape. Simple as that. Freddie had loved those days. _

"Hey, dork?" Sam called anxiously, breaking him out of the memory. He smiled, kissing her quickly. She frowned. "What just happened?"

"You know, Sammy, you never told me what you told Carly at those sleepovers," he whispered in her ear. He watched with a smirk as her eyes widened and she turned bright red, just like on that day.

"I'll tell you tonight," she whispered back, smiling seductively at him.

"Okay, okay," Carly said from the couch across from the one Sam and Freddie were on. Freddie blinked, having forgotten that she was there for a moment. "Please don't discuss your sex life in front of your best friend, guys. Anyways, now I deserve an explanation. Spill."

Sam looked at Freddie, guilt written plainly on her face and tears beginning to prick her eyes. He grasped her hand tightly, looking at Carly. They both knew how much it would hurt Carly. If only she knew how much it was tearing him up inside. But she couldn't. That would kill her before the cancer could.

"Carly," he began quietly. "This is going to be the last time the three of us are here with you in Seattle."

Carly frowned. "What do you mean, Freddie? You guys love Seattle, why-."

"You didn't let me finish," he interrupted. "You wanted to know why we're here-why Sam is here- so here it is. We came because Sam didn't want to spend her last days in a hospital room in LA when it wouldn't even give her more time. She wanted to come home, so here we are. And I couldn't tell you over the phone, because you would've freaked out, just like now, and scared our daughter."

Carly stared at them, tears flowing down her cheeks. "But Sam-?" She started, choking on her own sobs. She broke down. "Oh my God, Sam."

Freddie nodded, looking at his wife. "Yeah," he whispered. "It's terminal, Carls."

"How are we supposed to go on without you, Sam?" Carly shreiked as she continued to sob. "You're my best friend. How am I supposed to just be okay with you leaving?"

"Calm down, Carly," Freddie said quietly to her, glancing at Sam's ashamed face. "You're upsetting her. Isn't it already hard enough on her without reacting like that? As for the other questions, we'll find a way. Things will change, yeah. But we've got to be strong. Things will turn out okay. Time goes on." He said, echoing what Sam had told him the day before in the airport.

But deep down inside, he was asking himself the same questions.

_(A/N: So I'm sorry if the next chapter after this takes a little long to post, I said that I usually wrote the next one before I posted the current chapter, but I didn't end on a cliffhanger this time; now I'm trying to figure out where I should go from here. Should I show them telling Spencer? Should I do a filler chapter with a bunch of Seddie fluff? Tell me what you think should happen next! Reviews make me post faster… Oh, and if you have a little bit of time, I'd really appreciate if you could maybe go read iPulled A Disappearing Act and drop a review about what you think should happen there :] I've got massive writers block… :[ So yeah… Thanks for reading! Please Review and all that chizz!)_


	4. Chapter 4

_A/N: Hi! I'm so sorry it's been so long! I've been swamped, and I know this is short, but I'm trying! Please review with constructive stuff, it really keeps me going! :) Love you all! _

Sam slipped out of bed that night, once she knew Freddie was asleep. Unwrapping herself from his grasp, she pulled on a robe and quietly went into Lucy's room. The two year-old was still awake, lying there staring at the mobile above her crib.

"Hey Luce," Sam greeted, picking up Lucy with a grin and sitting down in the rocking chair. Lucy stared up at her mother with her light blue eyes, grinning toothily.

"Mama," Lucy muttered, reaching up. Sam grabbed her finger and wiggled it, smiling back at the little girl.

"You're amazing, Lucy," she whispered. "I hope you know that. You're gonna grow up to be amazing and all the boys are going to chase you around. Don't you let them get you, though, unless they're the one. You'll know when you find him, cause he doesn't give up on you no matter what the hell happens. He might be a dork, but that'll be okay, so long as you love him. He might be your best friend, or an enemy, or both. But whoever he is, hold him tight and never let him go, okay?"

Lucy gurgled as Sam started to cry, holding Lucy closer than ever. "And Lucy, he's gonna love you more than anything," she continued. "And when he tries to hold you tight, don't let him go until you have to. Until it's gonna kill him to hold on. God, Lucy, I love you. Please, please promise me you'll take good care of Daddy for me."

"I'll help her," Carly said tentatively from the doorway. Sam whipped around, pressing Lucy to her chest before she realized who it was and she relaxed. Carly walked in softly, sitting on the couch opposite the rocking chair. "She's gorgeous," Carly agreed, stroking Lucy's beautiful brunette curls that already resembled her mothers.

Sam nodded. "I'm gonna miss everything," she told Carly, letting the tears fall freely. "How am I supposed to be alright with this? With leaving them? Freddie, Lucy? And what about you? How am I supposed to leave you?"

Carly laughed bitterly. "You aren't," she replied. "This is not how it's supposed to happen. But it is happening. Do you know how many nights I've stayed awake with Lucy, praying and teaching her how to say 'dear God save my Mama'? It's like I've spent all this time wishing for one more moment, and when I get it, I don't want it because it's the one last moment and I don't want it to be?"

"It is happening, isn't it?" Sam asked. "I'm dying."

Carly nodded with a sad smile. "But you're living right now," she pointed out. "We have to be happy about that."

"Do you have a pen and paper?" Sam asked. Carly fetched a pad of paper from beside Lucy's crib, handing it to her best friend. "I want to write a letter to Lucy. Give it to her for me? When she's older? If she ever misses me?"

Carly nodded. "Anything, anytime," she told Sam. Sam spent that night writing, scribbling as Carly stood by, just being there for Sam. At the end of the night, she handed the tear-streaked paper to Carly.

"This is just in case," she said quietly. "If she's ever missing me a lot, just give her this and tell her I'll always love her. If not, just give her when she graduates and I'm not there."

"What if you are?" Carly asked, trying to be optimistic.

Sam shook her head. "You and I both know I won't be."

* * *

><p>The next morning, at breakfast, Carly made an announcement. "We're going to go visit some places today," she informed Sam and Freddie.<p>

Sam rolled her eyes, but went along with it. "Where might we be visiting?" she asked.

"Well, we're going to start with Ridgeway," Carly said to them. "It is, after all, where you guys met."

Which is how, 20 minutes later, Sam carried her daughter into her old school, grinning as she saw Ms. Briggs still there bossing teens around.

"Hey Francine," she greeted, holding Lucy up. "Luce, this is where you'll go to school. That's the awful annoying teacher, Francine Briggs."

"Hey!" Ms. Briggs snapped. "I'm still Mrs. Briggs to you! Respect your elders! Either way, what are you doing back here, Puckett?"

Freddie frowned, wrapping an arm around Sam protectively. "Her name is Sam Benson now, Mrs. Briggs," he countered.

Mrs. Briggs rolled her eyes with a scoff. "Oh, and that's Benson Jr. is it?" she asked sarcastically. "Well, little lady, I hope you know that you'll probably spend your life being carted between houses, with the way your parents act."

Sam's eyes darkened. "That's over the line, Francine. You have no right to insult my family or my marriage like that," she said firmly. "Freddie and I are happily married, and you will not say things like that to Lucy."

Mrs. Briggs shrugged. "What are you gonna do about it? Tell the principal? You have no control over me, honey," she said with a smirk.

"Actually, I do," Sam told her. "Lucy will be going to this school, and we will also be donating a scholarship for a student to come here who has cancer. We can get you fired. So shut up about my husband and daughter."

"Why a kid with cancer?" Mrs. Briggs asked. "What has cancer ever done to you? You two are healthy as horses, unfortunately. Damn. I was hoping I'd never see you three back in my hallways."

"It's not what cancer has done to us," Freddie said quietly. "It's what cancer's doing."

He ran a hand through Sam's hair, pulling her flush to him. Carly looked on, horrified as a curl fell out into Lucy's hands and a tear fell from Sam's eye onto her daughter's head.


End file.
